She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
