WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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