what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
