I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
