my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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