Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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