No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
