When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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