At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
