He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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