I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
