so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
