Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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