Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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