I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
