I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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