Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
