he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
