Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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