I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
