The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
