just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
