Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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