Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
