My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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