he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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