So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
