Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
