Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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