fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
