My balls are so social today.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
