It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
