i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
