U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
