well I can't set my house on fire every night
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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