He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
