Your mouth is God's brothel.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
