Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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