He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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