I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
smell my finger.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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