I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
