my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
