I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
