It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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