I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
