Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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