I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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