mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
