When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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