The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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