i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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