I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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