Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
