so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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