alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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