A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Two words: blizzard sex
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
