but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
