Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
