Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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