I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
