Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
