i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
