Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
