I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
