I need help removing her.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
