Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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