Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
