It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
